i don't feel like i have the same right to cry like maybe they can see that my tears are slightly more heavy than theirs maybe it's like how muscle weighs more than fat maybe anger weighs more than grief maybe an anger born from the need to grieve someone you didn't know is enough to rock you and knock you nearly to your knees in the second row of the six chairs surrounded by people that all knew him better than you and maybe there is this moment when there are so many siblings that no one knows which one should comfort you because they all have more reasons to be sad than you do and it should never fall to the one younger than you but maybe he was always more like your dad because they had matching leather jackets when they came to get you on your fifth birthday and you always wondered in the back of your mind if there was a reason that you couldn't have a matching leather jacket too
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